


I'm Sorry

by Umeko_Zoul



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just everything hurts, M/M, Major Character Injury, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, my heart, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:37:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8972329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umeko_Zoul/pseuds/Umeko_Zoul
Summary: Jesse did something stupid.





	

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> This was a request for a winner as well! I hope you like it. You asked for angst, right?
> 
> This was mainly inspired by a song called Unsteady by X Ambassadors!!

The hospital was silent. Night hours had closed in, engulfing the building in a blanket of utter darkness. In a room at the very end, was a man known to be forgotten. His head was wrapped in bandages, one eye covered. The other chocolate orb stared lifelessly at the television settled in front of him. On it, were cartoons. 

A young cat was with a fish. Oddly enough, they were getting along. From what the patient could grasp, this was a kid’s show, where a fish, rabbit, and cat were siblings. Biologically it was a living nightmare, but it wasn’t minded. In fact, the man found their cute jokes and songs to be entertaining. It gave him memories of his own childhood.  
God, he wished he was a kid again.

… 

Actually, no he didn’t.

The male sighed heavily. Things seemed easier. Seemed. Didn’t mean they were. He thought back to his first birthday party. There was… A blondie, a jerk, and a charming woman. That was it. He had no other people that knew he existed, let alone that he had a birthday party. Later in life, there were more people. People he could call friends. People he could… assume not to break his spine when his back is turned. 

A heart monitor beeped, becoming unusually annoying to the cowboy. He shot it a glare, almost telling the machine to shut up. But then he looked back at the TV. There was the cat again, and his Aquarian brother. Their problem seemed to be finding a happy place. The orange fish was easily making light of things, and… the cat was struggling. The lonely patient shook his head slightly; he felt the cat’s emotions heavier than intended. It was… Disgusting. 

He woke up. He was Jesse again. His voice, his awareness, the sarcasm. They were his own again. Lifting his head, Jesse seemed… confused. The cowboy was here and awake for days and yet it felt like he was just emerging from a 7-year coma. He attempted to move his arms, but found them strapped firmly to the bed. A chuckle emerged from his chapped lips. 

Smart. But not smart enough. I took a little effort, but he got himself out of the binds, but didn't move much after.

The show kept playing. It was a new episode he didn’t care about. Jesse’s breathing was steadily rasped; being the only thing breaking the silence besides the television. For some reason, there was a comfort to the sound of his own ragged breaths. It gave the poor man a sense of being alive. Completely alive. Greasy brown locks stuck to his face as he laid his head against the pillow, falling asleep and becoming a patient again.

Jesse came back to the sound of his window shooting open. Lazily, he groaned at the chill of the air that it’d caused, but kept his eye closed. He just wanted to sleep. Was that too hard to ask? Eventually, he grew bored of trying to sleep, and opened his eye. There was nobody there. The window had been shut, too. Must’ve been a bird… Or a rock.

McCree took the precious time to now observe beyond the TV. The room was unbearably stale. The white tiles that patterned the floor were almost visibly cold, and the dull gray spots on the snowflake walls gave the impression that even the room was sick. A table of tools was in the corner, as well as cabinets and drawers, every other one having a key-lock. Old-Fashioned, he thought, but he wasn’t one to judge. In fact, he admired the nostalgic vibes it gave. Blue curtains were folded on the side of it, as well as various sizes of hospital gowns. All with different patterns; admittedly, he kind of wished he was wearing the one with monster trucks.

There was no sign of footsteps. None. And yet, somehow a person had reached the door, casually slumped against the dirty frame. The only reason Jesse could recognize the being despite the darkness, was the glow of the white mask he’d always worn since the accident. 

At first, McCree said nothing, sneakily pretending to be unconscious. Reyes seemed to be fiddling with something, but Jesse was unsure what it was. Whatever it was, the thing was pissing the man off as he messed with it. Eventually he began to growl at it. Turning his body enough into the light, McCree noticed an item he could actually identify; a plastic spork. He turned a little more… And McCree finally saw why the man was so frustrated. 

Gabe’s armored gloved fingers were too big to properly open a pudding. He was grasping the tiny tab as best as he could, and while after a few minutes he did manage to open it, it was using the spork. Which had gotten bits of the peel-off top stuck on the pointed ends of the spork… Which pissed Gabe off even more, even to the point of verbalizing it.

“I hate sporks…” 

It made sense now; Gabe had gone to grab food from the cafeteria. Must’ve grabbed the wrong utensil.

This, not only was funny to watch, but happened to the most random thing the cowboy’s witnessed for quite a long time. Jesse couldn’t help but start a loud yet dry fit of laughter. Reyes, startled, jumped up and dropped his pudding. 

Jesse stopped laughing. Reyes stared at his newly deceased pudding. 

Then they both began to laugh, McCree’s voice heavier, but nonetheless it was of the missed sense of joy. Reyes always seemed to bring this light into him. Even during such hopeless moments. Especially like the one he’d gone through last week.

Maybe… If Gabe had been there… The… incident… wouldn’t have occurred. 

Silence followed the chuckles. Jesse, now staring at the mask that expressed less than nothing to him, made a face of discomfort. The pudding was completely disregarded now; pain beginning to sting across the side of his head. Cold sweat began to bead on his forehead, and the poor man began to wheeze, pressing the dosage for his pain medicine. Reyes was suddenly by his side, gently taking Jesse’s hand and sighing. 

“Give it a moment.” Gabe told him, eyes piercing through the mask. “It’ll pass.” It had taken a good minute or two, but eventually, Jesse relaxed, a light exhale rushing through parted lips. 

“Thank you…” McCree smiled. 

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes, y’did. You did a lot. Way more than I deserved.”

“Jesse, I did what anybody would. Maybe less than what should have been done.”

“Are you sure? You took care of me, kept me from collapsing back into the gutter… Reyes, you let me into a home that normally would dismiss, spit on… Hell, sometimes even kill people like me.” He paused, swallowing back a soft cry and squeezing the gloved hand that held his own. “Y-You’ve… Loved me unlike anybody else had ever done. And while I could have tried to somehow return the favor-“

“If I truly loved you enough, you wouldn’t have tried to shoot yourself.”

Reyes stared at Jesse, who’d fell dramatically silent. He seemed so… Ashamed, staring down at his lap with a deep frown. Shaking his head, the man continued.  
“Jesse McCree, why would you do that to yourself?” He asked, a small but distinct sense of grief glittered over his words. 

The cowboy smirked, dark chocolate eye welling with tears. His voice reverted back to a child’s, cracking like a disrupted radio. “’Had a few drinks… Got stupid. I-It’s just the actions of the alcohol.”

“Mmh.”

“I’m serious. It was jus’ because I was drinking.”

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”

“What about his actions?”

Reyes verbally stopped himself with a grunt. This was enough. It was time to move to his next question. Nonchalantly, he began to shuffle through his coat’s pockets with his free hand as Jesse boredly watched. A folded piece of paper was revealed, and it was skillfully opened using just that had; he didn’t want to let go of Jesse.  
Reyes read the paper. “Says ‘ere that Angela is the one who’d found you. You were already pulling the trigger but she’d knocked your arm and it missed- Well, almost missed your head. It created massive chaos, I assume.”

“Yeah… It did. I tell ya, I’ve never seen Angela cry. Not a single tear. And yet, for some reason… I managed to be awake long enough to see the poor doc break down. Her sobs were unlike anything I’ve ever heard. It breaks my heart just thinking about it." McCree paused, seeing if Reyes had to say anything, then continued. “It was… scary. She had these big tears that waved down her face as she tried to patch me up right there. Honestly, her wailing was louder than the gunshot.” He shook his head. “Never seen anything like it. I hope I never do again.”

“I’ve already seen it.” Reyes mumbled. “Next question.” He set the paper back into his coat pocket, only to replace it with something that had taken Jesse by surprise. The heart monitor picked up his now rapidly beating heart, only heightening the stress that stabbed into the man when he saw his self-murder weapon being held right in front of him. His hand squeezed Reyes’ desperately, his eye wide and asking all sorts of questions.

“Now, now.” Gabe shushed him. “I’m- “

“Where did you get that?!”

“Let me explain. I borrowed it to ask a question. There was a small thing in this whole incident that caught my attention. I think Dr. Ziegler had noticed it as well. I don’t think that she is willing to ask you, though.”

Reyes let go of Jesse’s hand. He opened the chamber...

Inside was another bullet. 

Jesse stared at it, then closed his eyes. There was no excuse he felt he could make when Reyes asked him what the hell that second bullet was doing there. Salty tears burned McCree’s only good eye, removing what was left of his sight. 

“Why, Jesse? Answer me. I know that it sounds cruel… But… I want to help you as much as I can-“

“I had a-a stupid thought.” Jesse finally blurted out, moving to wipe his eye. “When the thought came to mind, I had a stupid thought.”

“What thought, Jesse?”

“…” He didn’t answer, but Reyes refused to pry further. At this point patience was key. Five whole minutes passed, and Jesse spoke. “I thought… It would take more than one try to rid myself.”

“What, too strong for the- “

“I thought that I would miss my head the first time. I am pretty dumb, after all.”

Jesse felt his blood run cold when Reyes placed the gun back in his pocket and reached for him. The man’s gloved fingers stopped right in front of the cowboy’s face, just barely a millimeter from actual contact. With a sigh, he moved away, stepping back toward the doorway. His hands shuffled over his face for a moment, then he lowered his arms. In one of his hands, was his mask. 

Without warning, he turned to face Jesse, stepping closer and glaring into that glossy, awe-struck orb. His face was a nightmare, and he knew this all too well. His skin was a disgusting rotten color and there were bits of broken and torn flesh all about. He couldn’t even keep track of the bits he picked out of his mask anymore. It was just a habit now. Reyes simply stared at Jesse, who gazed right back, lips parted as he took in the image before him.

Gabe was so beautiful. His eyes were a fiery gold, glistening over with strength and complimenting the cracks of red that bedazzled the pale skin. Bits of skin seemed to chip off of him, as if an angel was still working on this masterpiece. A smile tugged at McCree’s lips when he realized that always-important facial hair managed to stick along as well.  
He didn’t look horrific, not by a longshot. He was still the Gabe knew and loved so much. 

Reyes set the mask on the bed, taking off his gloves and then reaching for Jesse’s face once again. He cupped the poor man’s face, then placed a very gentle kiss on the other’s lips. McCree weakly returned the gesture, an almost relieved sigh pouring from his nostrils. When they parted, Jesse was officially crying.  
“I’m sorry…” Jesse choked out. Reyes hushed him, pulling the cowboy into a hug and running his fingers through the soft brunette locks of his lover. “Fuck… I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…” 

“It’s okay, Jesse…” He hummed. “It wasn’t your fault. I never should have left. I love you so much…”

“I love you too, Gabe…” His sobs were calming as quickly as they arrived. “I missed you so much.”

“I know, I missed you too.” Releasing Jesse from the hug, he took a moment to just look at Jesse, a gentle grin comforting the patient. “I promise to be there when you need me.” The cowboy opened his mouth to respond, and then there was a loud noise.

Something crashed from down the hall. 

Somebody was here. A nurse, most likely.

Gabe stepped away, startled, then looked at Jesse, frantically taking the mask and placing it over his face. His gloves were messily put one as well. He looked at Jesse, who gave him a sorrowful nod of understanding, then strolled back to the window. The footsteps were getting closer. Reyes turned to Jesse. There was one more thing he wanted to say.  
“Get better, Jesse. I’ll be waiting for your checkout date.”

“Why ya going so soon?”

“You know why. I’m not welcome here. Besides… I have to return the borrowed items before Dr. Ziegler has a panic attack.”

The nurse walked in a few minutes later. Jesse had fallen asleep, but oddly enough, a window was wide open. Not a soul was to be seen. 

Maybe it was best that way. For now, at least

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to leave a comment!!


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